Cowork Cafe

(Previously: No Screens Cafe)

At the Cowork Cafe, you can look at your little screen when you’re supposed to be looking at your medium-size screen.

Welcome to the Cowork Cafe! We can’t wait to optimize you. Please set your chin here, and look at the green light. Your retinae are scanned to ensure a seamless experience joining our 10-gigabit Wi-Fi.

If the front door is locked, you can use the scanner outside. To open the door? No, sorry. It doesn’t work that way. But as a member, you can still use the outside scanner 24/7.

Each table has one chair. They used to have more, but people would sit at the same table and talk over the 432 Hz deep house. So, the layout was optimized. Please do not move the chairs.

For our Noo Tier members, the special today is a Modafinil smoothie. But Modafinil can also be added to any cold or room-temperature drink. If you don’t have a prescription yet, we are integrated with Klarity. A telehealth assessment takes just a few minutes. It delivers access to our entire Noo menu.

We are a subscription-based, app-based cafe. Unsanitary cash may not be used here. Yes, we know about ORS 659A.410. It doesn’t apply to memberships.

Those are our 11x’er Nap Pods. They can be rented in pomodoro-length increments. You will be completely surrounded with soothing fabric. All frequencies of light and sound, will be absorbed. Except, of course, the 432 Hz deep house mixed by our in-house DJ.

Unfortunately, the DJ isn’t here today. Yes, you’re hearing concert-pitch deep house. We’re sorry for the additional 8 Hz.

Please, only one person per nap pod. We can see what you’re doing in there. This is a public place.

In 2025, we would say that our baristas can fix your npm dependencies. Ha ha! In 2026, we still have baristas. But we’re not sure for how much longer.

The Cowork Cafe has closed. The past 10 months have been an incredible journey. We couldn’t have done it without you!

Unfortunately, remaining subscription balances are unable to be refunded. But, we hear the place next door is still open.